Catherine Lucas – While my Heart is still aching

 

 

(April – 2020) All in all, while my heart is aching for the families who lost loved ones, my life is good. No, can’t go out, can’t do this or that, but there are so much things I still can do. We live next to the desert in Las Cruces, a big trail is leading from my house into it. So once a day I can take my two dogs and take a walk, avoiding people and enjoying the views. 

 

Being made to shelter at home made me realize even more how happy a person I am to be able to enjoy my home. It is my nest, even in non-Corona times. I am one of those people who savors a day where I don’t have to go out. At times I even felt guilty about my need to hunker down. Now I can do it without the guilt.

Having 200.000 photo’s on a hard drive makes time precious, I can cull from morning till evening, making a visible dent in the stack. Besides photography, a couple of other hobbies keep me busy. Bookmaking, embroidery, art journaling still keep me up deep into the night, as the day never seems to have hours enough to do what I like to do.

 

My citizenship is only five years old, before that I lived in Europe, maybe I am still feeling more like  a tourist in New Mexico. The stay at home advice does not hinder me from looking out of my window to see the Organs, the green popping up after the rains, the coyotes howling at night. I still look at my life in New Mexico from the outside in. 

Being a Belgian also makes me think back at another time in history when people went into “hiding”. Their life depended on it. Families with kids were hidden in a little attic, only being able to move at night, no way to go out in the garden or go onto Skype to talk to far away family.

 

Children lived hidden in a trunk for 2 to 3 years, being quiet as a mouse, not making a squeak and only few moments to come out and run… They did not have the luxury of ordering food online and have it delivered at the front door. They had no communication possibilities besides the people who took them in. No radio, as the waves could be picked up and it could have meant death. No TV, no computers. I consider myself extra lucky to be able to FaceTime my siblings in Europe, talk and see them, while apart we still have this visual connection thanks to modern day techniques. I am fully aware that modern technologies truly enrich my life now, I consider myself lucky because I have stashes of the things I want. I have fabrics enough to create books, my yarn drawers are stocked, my pantry is filled. I have books to read, movies to stream, even in lock-down I still have a very wide view on the world.

 

The worst thing is that I probably will have to cancel my planned trip to Europe to visit family and friends. My grand-kids are over the pond, and having to postpone a trip to maybe next year sucks real bad. Techie hugs do not compare to real life hugs from small kids arms smothering grandma. But even that will pass, and who knows, once I can travel it might be nice to for once have a half empty plane, and take up a full row to sleep. But even that is really a non life threatening event. Not being able to travel is a minor thing if the price we pay for it is life and saving lives.

 

Pondering all that I also consider people around me that are not that lucky. They have hungry mouths to feed, can’t go to jobs while needing every penny they can get. We can’t help the whole world, but I try to bring little snippets to people I know who need it. Now more than ever do we need to think a little further than our nose is long. Dropping off a cardboard box with some cans and flour and a bottle of pop can make a huge difference. And we won’t live less for it. 

 

We live in an area with lots of families living under the radar. They have kids too that go hungry or need care. I ask myself the question if the bunking down will make us more friendly, more open to communication with those less fortunate. They came here to find a better life, but life itself threw a serious curve ball at them. Their worry is not to have enough fabrics to mess around with, it’s how to put food on the table. They will not get a $1200 check, they fall through the cracks. 

 

After this is all over and life gets back to “normal”, will we be able to lift humanity to a higher level of compassion and caring for each other?

 

 

Will we look at the world with softer eyes?

 

 

I hope so, from the bottom of my heart.

 

 

Being able to take a drive in the country side or to White Sands will be a treat again, as it has always been. But it might count double on our happiness scale. For now we need to try to make the best of it, my main thinking path: it could be a lot worse, there’s people around who really have it bad right now. Let’s keep that in mind while we enjoy a couple of more weeks at home. And maybe keep an eye out for one family that we can help in our own little neighborhood…

 

 Make that cardboard box and drop it off!